Friday, March 21, 2008

From e-tales

Letters to Hackney Council
Please forward my money at once as I have fallen into errors with my landlord and the milkman.
My husband is diabetic and has to take insolence regular but he finds he's lethargic to it.
Mrs Brown only thinks she's ill but she's nothing but a hypodermic.
The man next door has a large erection in his garden which is unsightly and dangerous.
I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is a lie as I married his father a week before he was born.

Mistranslations
Hotel lift, Paris: You are invited to leave your values at the front desk.
In a Leipzig lift: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
Hotel, Zurich: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
Cocktail lounge, Norway: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are the best in the long run.

8 comments:

SpiralSkies said...

Brill - I hadn't heard any of those before!

Lane said...

Ha. Nothing like a few malapropisms:-)

HelenMH said...

I'd love to stay in some of those hotels!

Debs said...

Enjoyed those. I had a step-great-grandmother who used to amuse us with her malapropisms.

JJ said...

I loved those, particularly the illiterate son. Lol.

KAREN said...

I live in dread of accidentally slipping something similarly silly into my writing. (Ooh, I've gone all alliterate!)

Steve Malley said...

That was a nice laugh, thank you!

And thanks too for visiting my blog. Glad you found a little something you liked...

Leigh said...

Jen - Well, I can but recommend the book, and its two companions (imaginatively titled e-tales 2 and e-tales 3)!

Lane - No! Especially if Ronnie Barker is involved!

Helen - Yeah, as long as you're not wanting to entertain a host of men in your room!

Debs - Oh, I wish I'd known her; I love this sort of thing! And anyone with wit like that is welcome here anytime!

JJ - Ha! My favourite too!

Karen - LOL! That, as far as I can tell, is the only possible use of MS Word's otherwise crappy grammar-checker!

Steve - Hello! Thanks for stopping by here too! And Your posts are more than a little helpful. (Visit Steve's blog, folks, he has some great posts on writing!)